Thursday, 26 November 2009

Lab animals

Dear all,
...tomorrow Friday 27th of November from 13.30 until 14.30 there will be a demonstration against the use of lab animals at...we advise you to be extra alert with transporting your animals to ...
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And that's how you appreciate having humans as the subjects after receiving these kinds of e-mails once in a while. The most used animals in our department are rats and mice. It was something that I considred when I wanted to choose my project last year. I talked to people who had all sorts of logical reasons to not feel guilty because of having to kill these animals at some levels of some of the experiments. I know rats can laugh and this tells a lot I think and I'm not sure what is or is not ethical in here.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Invisible!

I go to them, we talk, we even laugh and I know the next morning they might not feel like saying hi again. And this repeats itself for more than a year. It's not easy to not looking for a correlation between being an Iranian and not being visible enough to some people.

Saturday, 21 November 2009

Saturday fun!

Newton Faulkner; it was a treat watching his performance live tonight!

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Not your duty

It was 11 p.m. We were getting back from Zayande- Rud bridge in Esfahan to our hotel; a 10 minute walk and enjoying every bit of our trip to that part of Iran. We were talking about how pity it was that we did not have the chance to see Zayande- Rud as a river that it was -as it was all dried at that time of the year- and mentioning still it was interesting that we could do something you usually could not do; walking in the middle of that river...I don't know exactly maybe that was when he showed up, we were passing by a passage, lights were on and shining in the streets and people were walking and shopping all over the places. He came straight to me. I could estimate his age to be around 10, maybe 12, holding a bunch of...God! I don't even remember of what, of chewing gum maybe or these cards which are written on some prays in Arabic (?) He came and I could see only resistance in his face which wouldn't fade until we would buy one. We looked at each other, me and the other Behi and I don't remember if we said anything to each other at all. That was not the first time that I had to deal with one of these kids and I normally didn't give them money or wouldn't buy anything from them. I told him: "why are you doing this, you should have been asleep or at home by now" .The typical story came up: "My father is sick, cannot work and I should work". I didn't want to say don't tell lie because I thought the truth was perhaps much more painful than the line he was saying. With a voice louder than my usual tone I said: "This is not your duty, you should be playing or asleep right now" and meanwhile I was handing him the money and taking the thing that I was buying from him. I still can see his face and eyes at that very moment; A face who was surprised, happy, sad and scared, he repeated his short story again while giving me the thing and taking the money : "My father cannot work"... I shouted at him: "This is not your duty, you must know this, this is not your duty" and he left so fast. I don't know, maybe I thought I was telling him something very important that no one never ever told him before, like a forbidden secret, something that could change his life and I was shaking at the time. I knew that I was fooling myself. What he could do really, what a striking knowledge a 10- year-old- boy would get from such a shouting and if so what he could do after knowing that...

Saturday, 14 November 2009

One day

One day I'll pick what I dropped when I was a little girl. I'll start painting on a paper with drawing pencils or on a really big canvas and I'll do that with all the colors that I admire.
One day I'll start reading the poems that I liked and I forgot, the ones that I started and never finished and the ones that I never started.

And MATLAB!

After 2 weeks of full-time workshop I see things like Matlab's interface; a new language with no emotional expression! :)

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Thank you

I knew what were your concerns, your favorite songs, the books that you liked, the food that you enjoyed. I knew what were your beliefs because you talked a lot about each and the reasons behind each. I knew well who you were and how you would say and react to my thoughts, my deeds and my flaws but not any more and this gives me pain time to time. I don't know you anymore but this does not mean that I don't understand you because I well do.
And about that pain, let me tell you something, I can live with that pain, because I've just done it until today and I can go on like this for tomorrow and the days after tomorrow and the years after.You're living your brilliant life and that matters and believe me, this does the very same on me that a painkiller can do. So, thank you and no worry, I'm doing just great, in fact my very best. And you just keep living and being alive.
Yours,

Beh...