My Mind Room

That's all folks...

2010-11-12T20:45:00.003+02:00

It was 23 of May 2007 that I opened this blog. I brought here a part of my life, a part that I needed to share. It was a great pleasure to share with you, to you that I met or never met in person and probably will never meet and know but have felt connected enough to bear with me through whatever period you've been coming to this room.
Thank you! And who knows maybe I start blogging again in a different address, with my real or a different name and you come and feel connected again.
Love and farewell...

A Sunday post

2010-11-07T16:47:00.003+02:00

It's a cloudy Sunday here in The Hague, after spending most of the times out yesterday and the week before you just like to sit and feel absolutely lazy. At the same time of making a warm homemade Persian meal, sorting and cleaning up a little bit, reviewing and scanning the up coming works and plans I also review the last week. If the things that happened were nice I enjoy thinking about them more than once and describing to Mr. Behi 2 or 3 times but with different formats just to make it more interesting to hear.

PS: I strongly feel that to be happy you need to believe in yourself and make peace with yourself.

Fear Memory

2010-10-09T12:17:00.010+02:00

Amygdala is an almond shape region in the brain which has a crucial role in fear or emotional memory. This image is a close look of this region that I took with a Leica microscope just recently.
These are the neurons that got beautifully activated by a fear stimulus in the amygdala of a genetically engineered mouse brain. The bright yellow fluorescence is like a reporter saying which neurons were involved. It's very important to see what is it that some neurons can be activated because of the trigger and the other not. What are the factors that make them different from each other.
The method that we just started to use is new and seems promising. What you can see under the microscope is astonishing, really amazing!

...

2010-09-25T21:25:00.004+03:00

To give you an overall view of how my days look like I tell you this: A month ago I was recommended for physiotherapy. I requested to go to the therapist in the hospital I work as I thought it would be more practical for me to switch my places in the building I already am when needed and this has stayed only in theory so far. Not every weekend is free anymore and during the last weeks sometimes I had to leave the department not sooner than 10.p.m. I cannot feel the days and this is my wish most of the time that a day was more than 24 hours. I feel lucky that I had a chance to join a very vibrant work environment and I feel also stressed. I'm in the middle of my learning process and also in charge of the results of the project that I started. This makes me excited + stressed! I'm starting to know myself more in the new atmosphere with new challenges and in the meantime sometimes I just need to stop, to pause and grab my shoulders, look at myself and think for a little while. The painting class looks nothing like the world that I actually live and makes me feel I entered a different world; world of colors for 2 hours and got back to the real world. And the Dutch course is the latest activity that I'm taking together with Mr.B wondering when would be the possible/productive time of the day to practice and do the homework. Until I realize this goedenavond!

Lab memoirs (?)

2010-09-18T19:35:00.004+03:00

I try to avoid turning here to a lab memoirs and it's worked only via the not writing approach so far. I guess after a while when I feel more settled, I can see the whole me and not only me at the lab. Or maybe I let it go and start writing about my work, after all this chapter is new and truly exciting.
PS: Painting is amusing

To catch up

2010-09-04T22:05:00.005+02:00

The second weekend after starting my work and I don't know from where I should start. I've been learning various techniques. I need to know the basic experimental and theoretical aspects of my own research. I'm expected to be creative with new suggestions and ideas and I'm overwhelmed with loads of skills I need to acquire and things I should learn. Every night I sleep so quickly or almost faint. People ask me how are you? I say I'm great and I literally mean that. I have my own concerns though, can I meet all the requirements that I'm tilted to accomplish?

Update...

2010-08-22T15:18:00.004+02:00

We were 35 in high school. 7 of us entered different majors in different universities. The rest got married soon after they graduated high school as a small town's custom would expect them to do. We drifted apart and every now and then I would search through the internet or Facebook to see if I could find a trace of any of them but no success, until recently that I heard news on the smartest of them all, one of the 7. She had an accident in one of the streets of Tehran. She passed away and left her little child behind.

And I report!

2010-08-19T23:12:00.007+02:00

Next week my work will start. My research topic + my future boss + knowing almost all my lab-mates were enough of the reasons to make my mind on joining the lab and at the time I thought: "No shocking surprises perhaps". I hope if I was not totally right I'd be able to deal and think like a grown up confident person.
And one lesson from the last two years would be getting involved in more than one activity. I'm finally going to take a painting course once a week, it's time I think (need).

Photo for fun

2010-08-11T00:01:00.006+02:00

Now that I look it gets more clear that we could be good friends! ;D

Nostalgia

2010-08-09T10:51:00.004+03:00

Kian

Passion

2010-08-07T09:05:00.007+03:00

A restless mind is a mind that does not let you think the job is done or close to be done. Doesn't let you feel settled, it's always in search, sometimes of something not so clear but I call it passion when it's clear and not totally blind. Now that I think, I've been thirsty to see that passion in people as long as I can remember, a passionate love between two lovers, a passionate friendship, a passionate work and you know what? I feel excited for what I can see, it's like a a permission to fantasize about life that has a potential to get so ordinary a lot.
All these passions can last if you want them to last, otherwise they become part of your past that no longer their traces exist in your present. A painter cannot be novel if he does not have that passion, so a scientist.
Science cannot be looked as a job, you cannot have that great wish to find, to reach if you haven't been heartily in search. Science is nothing but constant search. I've always been looking for that sense of excitement in scholars whether I was studying in Tehran or here in Rotterdam and I've had higher expectation in here... higher hopes to see professors with passions and not with jobs. Science is certainly not a job.

...

2010-08-02T18:59:00.010+03:00

Jaane- Maryam closed his eyes.

Destined to be Silent

2010-07-30T18:58:00.021+03:00

Sometimes, I miss looking at my two syllable name written in Farsi letters. Funny, seems it has a different character when it's written in English letters but not a familiar one when others assume two of its letters - each belonging to one syllable -aren't necessary to pronounce so they forget to take them into account in writing as well. The second syllable has the same meaning and pronunciation as a word in Dutch, an interesting coincident which helps one of the forgotten letters come back to the vocal life but still the other letter stays silent ;-)

Reality

2010-07-29T15:33:00.007+03:00

"... of the major disadvantages of reality: from up close, it looks very different from any "picture", a difference which no theory can explain".
-Bertrand Russel from Logicomix
---------------
I realize why I have this great tendency to live in my imagination sometimes.

The Scientist

2010-07-27T16:46:00.005+03:00

Francis Crick was of two scientists who discovered the structure of the DNA molecule. The cognitive psychologist Vilayanur Ramachandran, a friend and colleague of Crick's, described him the last time they talked only three weeks prior to his death:
"I visited him in his home in La Jolla. He was eighty-eight, had terminal cancer, was in pain, and was on chemotherapy; yet he had obviously been working away nonstop on his latest project. His very large desk- occupying half of the room- was covered by articles, correspondence, envelops, recent issues of Nature, a laptop (despite his dislike of computers), and recent books in neuroanatomy. During the whole two hours that I was there, there was no mention of his illness- only a flight of ideas on the neural basis of consciousness..." He was still correcting his last paper on his way to the hospital a few hours before he died, on July 28, 2004.
-------------
Just noticed tomorrow will be the 6-years anniversary of his death!

Not for Granted

2010-07-26T22:51:00.004+03:00

Well, it's been one month since my accident, and I've been able to move inside home with the help of a wheelchair and less often by my crutches since my other leg also had a little injury so it's not strong enough to bear my little steps. The pain is fading away day by day and I must be able to walk in two weeks. Except for the x-rays I've been staying at home most of the times trying to spend days as if I am in a vacation. And like always you start to appreciate something when you do not have it anymore. In my case loosing my freedom of mobility is going to last only for a short while but it's been warning me of the time that there will be no way to take back something that you lost for good and you had always taken that for granted.

Elif Shafak: The politics of fiction | Video on TED.com

2010-07-18T20:54:00.000+03:00

Elif Shafak: The politics of fiction | Video on TED.com

So I have a brain... Pheww ;-)

2010-07-13T00:47:00.007+03:00

I participated fMRI as a subject for a project and now I received my brain image (from the side) today.
I cannot help looking at its parts thinking God this defines the whole me!!

I miss home

2010-07-12T13:06:00.004+03:00

We used to live in an old small apartment in the center of Tehran, on the forth floor with water pumping problem. In different periods of the apartment's life different residents including us came out with different solutions to fix the problem but none worked completely.
The problem was compensated for the lively atmosphere of the street it was located, the fact that it was so close to Tehran university and the book stores nearby, unforgettable memories from the past the time I was very young and the decoration of the place itself with a lot of thoughts that we put into it to make it cozy which it was and the bonus that it was for free.
I left the place that early morning to Libya with tearful eyes knowing that I would miss living there and that was true...

What is risk?

2010-07-05T11:58:00.004+03:00

When I was in elementary school I heard a story once about one of the high school students in my hometown. The story always amazed me for two reasons; first for the student himself and what he dared to do and second for the reaction of the teacher whom I though should have been a bright person.
Apparently, it was the exam season and in the essay exam the subject was: "what is risk?" Our story's student wrote at the beginning of his paper: "Risk means..." And then he delivered back his paper just like that.
He got the full score at the end.

High speed + bad luck

2010-06-28T14:07:00.004+03:00

Yesterday, we went kart racing, I had an accident and now here I am laying down with a broken ankle, a few bruises in different places and my right leg is in a plaster cast. I'm just happy nothing worse happened.

New beginning

2010-06-20T22:12:00.003+03:00

looking at the frequency of my previous posts I realize why it's a bit challenging to write again. Different things are on top of my head and it takes time to write on one for a start. To say in a nutshell, I'm happy! It's as the same as the feeling I had when I passed summer school and got permitted 2 years ago only a month and half after our arrival to Holland. I was well aware of the fact that it was only the beginning and I had a lot to do for the following two years. I'm not gonna lie to you, the first year and its all difficulties many times made me forget the sweetness of that starting point. The fear of not being good at the area I entered, the fear of running with no promise to reach and I did not believe it was only the journey that mattered. I needed a sign to make sure I made a right decision, that I was smart enough and not stupid. I needed to know I was making a progress and I knew that urge, that need to making sure partly was coming from my not very patient personality so I would blame that personality every now and then as well.
Last Tuesday and Wednesday I was standing talking to my current and future supervisors hearing their comments on what I did and thinking to myself it was worth it but I have the very same feeling that I had when I passed summer school; happy while I certainly know that it's only another beginning. Hope this time I'll be patient and as kind as the man who's been walking side by side me all these years ... to myself.

I survived!

2010-06-16T16:56:00.003+03:00

Here I am, feeling exhausted and graduated!
Still have to take care of a couple of things but the hardest part is over now. My mind is completely overwhelmed with all tiny details that happened yesterday.
Will write more...

The secret powers of time- Philip Zimbardo

2010-06-02T18:19:00.009+03:00

Counting down

2010-05-12T19:50:00.003+03:00

I'll defend my thesis in 33 days. It's weird.

Learning Dutch-3

2010-05-06T22:18:00.005+03:00

Broer means brother in Dutch. What makes it interesting is the similarity it has with the Northern accent* in Iran which is the part I come from as they say "Bror" to brother.
And another word Dochter ("ch" should be pronounced like "kh") is very similar to the word "Dokhtar" in Farsi with the meaning of daughter in both languages.
-----------
*Correction: Northern dialect

2010-05-02T22:34:00.004+03:00

Came back from Geneva today.
A fantastic time with my very dear ones we spent. Great connections that can cross the border of time and you feel it with all your heart.

When You Love your Chocolate!

2010-04-28T21:30:00.005+02:00

"I have become obsessed with fulfilling my duty towards the coca bean, which has given me so much. Its extraordinarily complex chemistry stems from a science similar to that of the great vintage wines.
By presenting you with this new collection today, I have a clearer idea of my feelings. It was not so much a matter of paying homage, but rather more an act of love."

-Pierre Marcolini

2010-04-22T21:44:00.002+02:00

It happens when you expect it the least and also when you want it to happen.

Photo sharing!

2010-04-14T23:45:00.003+02:00

Surrounded by deadlines, feeling sleepy but still eager enough to display my recent photos on Flickr and share them with you. Here you can see some snap shots captured by my ordinary eyes in our last trips, and hopefully more will come out of this very everyday life.
A practice of looking carefully and painting with lights to the day that I paint on a canvas; a dream I have.

2010-04-07T23:36:00.001+02:00

The Behies!

Memory and nothing more!

2010-04-07T22:59:00.003+02:00

My memory is not as cooperative as used to be or maybe the problem is my concentration I don't know, but something has been working like a clock as long as I can remember: my visual memory. If I see you once tomorrow I'll remember your face years after if I see you again. I've been sometimes thinking what this could be good for, the answer? Nothing! And the funny thing is that I'm going to work in a lab with a major focus on the mechanism of memory for a year after my graduation.

Ashnaa

2010-04-06T20:00:00.004+02:00

If you're interested in authentic Persian designs here is a place to visit. The thought process of an Iranian couple based in the US.

For the record:

2010-04-02T19:26:00.005+02:00

Paris is lovely! Now, I see what people are talking about when it comes to Paris.

A request

2010-03-26T20:56:00.004+02:00

Dear readers,

Titles of good books from Iranian or non-Iranian authors, old or new doesn't matter and in any area. If you can help me out with this do not hesitate please.

Thank you! :)

Kiosk in 1389

2010-03-24T23:43:00.004+02:00

	Kiosk - Dasht e Sabz .mp3

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

We started the new year with their excellent performance. Great lyrics and music.

And another equinox

2010-03-22T22:51:00.003+02:00

Another spring away from Iran. I was busy with routines. Reviewing the last year before the time of equinox was in my to- do- list and I've not done that yet. I needed some time not very long and not too short to just sit and look back and see what shall be my new resolutions. I have not been determined enough to do that so far and I think it's mostly because I've been busy making new promises and hopes the whole last year. I just need some time to do what should be done, to live and to go on.

Where is the border line?

2010-03-05T12:01:00.017+02:00

Two weeks ago one Saturday me and Mr.B went to Amsterdam and this time not for a museum or a special event but only to get more familiar with the atmosphere of the city itself. This city has its own character as The Hague (Den Haag), Rotterdam and just recently visited city Maastricht have, each has its own personality and this tells you no matter how small the country is still things get different when you move from one city to another.
Anyway, at the end of the day we went to "red light district", I was too curious to skip seeing those streets which until then I always thought it was "red line strict" (Being an Iranian does explain that I guess :). It's needless to say this area and the banned-free access to Marijuana in certain cafes have made Holland "the" place to visit for certain tourists.
Apparently this doesn't sound as appealing to the Dutch people themselves. I heard once from one of my supervisors that this policy is coming from this mentality of Dutch which says: " You're free to do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else" and that they want to have control on the issues which have become underground problems for other countries BUT, that's not as clever as it sounds to many Dutch people and they're not really happy with that. They're having problems with under legal age prostitution and the number of teenagers with tendency to smoking cigarette and later on Marijuana has increased-as they say.
It's hard to say if it's really serious especially in the world of relativity with universal problems like addiction and so on, it's better be not too judgmental maybe.
But apart from the whole matter there was one scene I took when I left that red district. Two 11-12 (if not less) years old boys were walking in the area looking at the windows, giggling and whispering. I wonder when they got back to their homes what they said to their parents if they were asked where they had been to.
Isn't it similar to the right and responsibility that parents should have to control the TV channels when they have "kids" and if so who is taking this right from them. Does that famous Dutch mentality of "not my business unless you're bothering" have anything to say for such families?

Jump & Fly!

2010-03-04T22:58:00.008+02:00

I saw this today then e-mailed it and shared it on Facebook, I think it's time to put in here as well :D

Source

A short review

2010-02-27T14:17:00.003+02:00

Five months from now and I should be able to finish my study. I cannot believe that it's already been a year and 7 months since I started. I came out of my field and entered this area because I believed, that was a right thing to do and because I believed there was a chemistry this time.
To my simple mind this subject seemed incredibly magnificent and extremely exciting.
After having to get through big and small challenges on my way, now I think this opportunity only has been a door to a starting point.
The diversity of mysteries is countless and it feels like being an immature baby trying to explore a complicated world, being curious is part of the deal, but you don't have the whole package unless you get to learn how to be patient, how to go and how to be that mature baby.

Learning Dutch-2

2010-02-20T21:32:00.002+02:00

Describe Dutch language in 3 words: Full of exceptions

What would you feel...

2010-02-16T21:52:00.003+02:00

What would you feel about an electronic card sent by a "friend" on your birthday with a message saying "hope you stay like this and don't change in the future".
What would you feel when a "friend" talks about other friends'
happy marriage,
nose job,
and the university she got a scholarship from, and you hear:
"come on! Look at her photos, she looks unhappy",
"her new look with this new nose is not good, before the operation she looked better",
and "what's the name of the university she has been accepted? The city is not a well-known city though".

Word of today:

2010-02-14T21:48:00.005+02:00

Lucht means sky in Dutch, the "ch" should be pronounced as "kh" :D

Learning Dutch

2010-02-07T20:01:00.004+02:00

Rosetta Stone is a language learning program. If you want to learn a new language from scratch try this, you'll find it very amusing. I've just started learning Dutch with this program. Will share more about the progress ;)

With Natives

2010-02-05T22:20:00.006+02:00

We're at a party, it's a small place filled with people. When you want to talk you need to speak out load otherwise the person whom you're talking to wouldn't hear you but this does not make you feel you're loud because "there" you are not. You talk and you know the lady that you're talking to is British, a charming warm lady. You're enjoying the talk. Then she asks if you've studied or lived in an English speaking country before, you say no and then she starts giving compliments on your accent and English. Now, you feel aware of the fact that the place is getting quiet. Now, you feel a new awareness; you're focused on not making any grammatical mistakes. You wish she did not mention that.

We're at a party. A boyfriend of a new friend just got introduced to you. You know he's a Greek and recently arrived from USA. The place is not crowded or loud. You start to have a conversation with his girlfriend, the talk reaches to some interesting points. The Greek boyfriend is mostly listening, they decide to take the rest of the talk to her place next time. Next time arrives and you meet them in a small dinner of 4. You realize the boyfriend is in fact a Greek-American born in the US. Now you're too aware of the fact that he is a native speaker. You secretly wish he was only a Greek.

Feeling Good

2010-02-05T21:33:00.004+02:00

Let's put it this way, I've made one of my wisest decisions (I think) after putting A LOT OF thoughts into the matter.

This is no cliché:

2010-01-21T20:19:00.004+02:00

Feeling and not feeling cheerful both are easy and fast to experience. You always choose which one is your preference since you have your reasons for each.
That's scary and promising at the same time:
-You can stay with your reasons
-You can choose

Moving in Tehran, Iran

2010-01-15T12:50:00.040+02:00

It was different when we bought our first and last car in Iran, it felt like a grown up family, a husband and a wife with a car. We couldn't hold our hands passing through the streets of Tehran because he was driving at the time. We were not like a couple holding hands waiting for a taxi or walking the streets of Tehran, it was different.
We were the regulars there, at those places; to eat ice cream, very typical Persian cuisine and to wander a book store called "Shahre ketab" or "City of books" and as we got into the store we would get parted without realizing and we would find each other, sometimes with a book in hand or a funny card or a cool mug like the famous Mr.Behi's mug or nothing but news on what seemed interesting and we would get back to that thing again to show that to another one.
With the car then we had one extra step before getting into all those places: "Looking for a parking space" And if we could find one, it would be like an official permission to actually get into the favorite spots.
We couldn't hold our hands but I would put my left hand on his right shoulder on our way and we would listen to the music that we always made fun of their singers and the lyrics, nothing sophisticated about those music but great fun. Then this not holding hands part got compensated for a new interest; traveling by this car and with our own way for hours and hours inside Iran from the capital to the north of Iran or to the west to Shiraz. Smell of "Bahar narenj", since then, means Shiraz to my senses. Every where you go you will feel it if it's Spring in Shiraz. Last time the trip to Esfahan reminded me again and again the joy of moving and traveling inside Iran. And there are yet to travel, to see...
There is something unique about traveling in Iran, something different.

Reminder

2010-01-10T13:43:00.005+02:00

LIGHT & RESPECT

Beautiful Minds

2010-01-02T18:53:00.008+02:00

There are some Farsi blogs out there and I wish they could be translated into English so that people who are not familiar with the language could see how talented and bright these people are.
Many of these bloggers are under age 30. You see a combination of great sense of humor, intelligence and wisdom on matters that Iran has been struggling with.
One reports and talks about scenes she's been witnessing in the last demonstration she went to. Another writes his point of view on the latest Mousavi's statement. The other writes a very hilarious sentence on a harsh comment coming from a hardliner talking about green movement's supporters which makes me burst into a big laugh.
I'm glad that these words are written and are going to be part of Iran's history. The story of young brilliant minds who had tears coming from their eyes while they smiled and went on again.

To/For All

2010-01-01T18:07:00.005+02:00

Not always filled with laughter but always filled with hope, that is my hope.

Happy 2010

Words

2010-01-01T13:32:00.005+02:00

I've always been repelled by these two:
The ones who do not talk. I feel I should fill the gap, that emptiness so I talk. And at some point I feel tired and also insecure and I give up.
The second ones are those who do talk and are not afraid of using any words with any tones. Usually they have no tolerance if you learn the way they talk, they're not pleased with tasting their own medicine.

Considering the fact that they are in minority, feeling healed must be doable after all.

2009-12-31T16:11:00.002+02:00

It's amazing how history repeats itself.

Status

2009-12-29T20:44:00.001+02:00

Living in Iran these days...

Darbareye Elly

2009-12-26T02:52:00.004+02:00

Darbareye Elly (About Elly)
Very vivid image of a part of Iran's contemporary society. A must see movie.

Defiance

2009-12-13T21:55:00.004+02:00

Mana Neyestani

The wonder of you

2009-12-11T14:18:00.006+02:00

...
I'll guess I'll never know the reason why...
That's the wonder
The wonder of you...

Justice!

2009-12-05T18:13:00.005+02:00

It was in the middle of post-election days in Iran that my supervisor put a paper on my desk which was news about Tariq Ramadan being fired from the university and it was because he ran a program in Press TV which is a channel funded by Iranian government. Apparently the program was not political or in support of the Iranian regime. My supervisor who's Dutch was against the university's decision. Later on, there was news on Maziar Bahari's case; an Iranian-Canadian journalist who works for Newsweek. He got arrested during the post-election days in Iran and spent months in Prison before being released. Working for a western media apparently was enough for him to be suspected of espionage!
Now, Tariq Ramadan left Holland to where he found open arms in Oxford university and Maziar Bahari is back to Newsweek.
The scale of troubles that the journalist went through is beyond my imagination but I cannot help but wonder how different the logic supporting each condemnation was in the first place. I don't expect the governments in Iran to be fair as unjustness is one of the very ugly angles they are defined with but from academia in a democratic country it was surprising to observe what I was observing.

Pink Brain Blue Brain

2009-12-04T14:34:00.005+02:00

Sounds a fascinating book! Lise Eliot the author gave a talk on the book; quite fantastic I think.

On decision-making

2009-12-03T13:56:00.010+02:00

A behavioral economist Dan Ariely talks on how irrelevant information can have an impact on our choices and how limited our cognitive abilities can be/get.
And here it comes the question of "free" will again.

Lab animals

2009-11-26T23:49:00.005+02:00

Dear all,
...tomorrow Friday 27th of November from 13.30 until 14.30 there will be a demonstration against the use of lab animals at...we advise you to be extra alert with transporting your animals to ...
-------
And that's how you appreciate having humans as the subjects after receiving these kinds of e-mails once in a while. The most used animals in our department are rats and mice. It was something that I considred when I wanted to choose my project last year. I talked to people who had all sorts of logical reasons to not feel guilty because of having to kill these animals at some levels of some of the experiments. I know rats can laugh and this tells a lot I think and I'm not sure what is or is not ethical in here.

Invisible!

2009-11-24T21:27:00.003+02:00

I go to them, we talk, we even laugh and I know the next morning they might not feel like saying hi again. And this repeats itself for more than a year. It's not easy to not looking for a correlation between being an Iranian and not being visible enough to some people.

Saturday fun!

2009-11-21T23:30:00.000+02:00

Newton Faulkner; it was a treat watching his performance live tonight!

Not your duty

2009-11-17T20:34:00.012+02:00

It was 11 p.m. We were getting back from Zayande- Rud bridge in Esfahan to our hotel; a 10 minute walk and enjoying every bit of our trip to that part of Iran. We were talking about how pity it was that we did not have the chance to see Zayande- Rud as a river that it was -as it was all dried at that time of the year- and mentioning still it was interesting that we could do something you usually could not do; walking in the middle of that river...I don't know exactly maybe that was when he showed up, we were passing by a passage, lights were on and shining in the streets and people were walking and shopping all over the places. He came straight to me. I could estimate his age to be around 10, maybe 12, holding a bunch of...God! I don't even remember of what, of chewing gum maybe or these cards which are written on some prays in Arabic (?) He came and I could see only resistance in his face which wouldn't fade until we would buy one. We looked at each other, me and the other Behi and I don't remember if we said anything to each other at all. That was not the first time that I had to deal with one of these kids and I normally didn't give them money or wouldn't buy anything from them. I told him: "why are you doing this, you should have been asleep or at home by now" .The typical story came up: "My father is sick, cannot work and I should work". I didn't want to say don't tell lie because I thought the truth was perhaps much more painful than the line he was saying. With a voice louder than my usual tone I said: "This is not your duty, you should be playing or asleep right now" and meanwhile I was handing him the money and taking the thing that I was buying from him. I still can see his face and eyes at that very moment; A face who was surprised, happy, sad and scared, he repeated his short story again while giving me the thing and taking the money : "My father cannot work"... I shouted at him: "This is not your duty, you must know this, this is not your duty" and he left so fast. I don't know, maybe I thought I was telling him something very important that no one never ever told him before, like a forbidden secret, something that could change his life and I was shaking at the time. I knew that I was fooling myself. What he could do really, what a striking knowledge a 10- year-old- boy would get from such a shouting and if so what he could do after knowing that...

One day

2009-11-14T15:21:00.005+02:00

One day I'll pick what I dropped when I was a little girl. I'll start painting on a paper with drawing pencils or on a really big canvas and I'll do that with all the colors that I admire.
One day I'll start reading the poems that I liked and I forgot, the ones that I started and never finished and the ones that I never started.

And MATLAB!

2009-11-14T13:32:00.004+02:00

After 2 weeks of full-time workshop I see things like Matlab's interface; a new language with no emotional expression! :)

Thank you

2009-11-07T23:19:00.009+02:00

I knew what were your concerns, your favorite songs, the books that you liked, the food that you enjoyed. I knew what were your beliefs because you talked a lot about each and the reasons behind each. I knew well who you were and how you would say and react to my thoughts, my deeds and my flaws but not any more and this gives me pain time to time. I don't know you anymore but this does not mean that I don't understand you because I well do.
And about that pain, let me tell you something, I can live with that pain, because I've just done it until today and I can go on like this for tomorrow and the days after tomorrow and the years after.You're living your brilliant life and that matters and believe me, this does the very same on me that a painkiller can do. So, thank you and no worry, I'm doing just great, in fact my very best. And you just keep living and being alive.
Yours,

Beh...

Spinning around

2009-11-06T00:07:00.009+02:00

"There are times when friendship feels like running down a hill together as fast as you can, jumping over things, spinning around, and you don't care where you're going, and you don't care where you've come from, because all that matters is speed, and the hands holding your hands"*.

It's almost 10 years that there are times when friendship feels like running down a hill together as fast as you can, jumping over things, spinning around... There are times and times.

*Matthew Tobin Anderson

And dance

2009-11-01T02:16:00.004+02:00

We went to one of the performances of Holland dance festival last night. It was a three part program. The first one was interesting, I enjoyed the second part and I tried so hard controlling myself from laughing out loud at some points of the last part. Fell free to think that I don't understand art at some level ;). We have one more program to go.

Prescription

2009-10-25T22:31:00.004+02:00

4 words to feel sane at some point: I do not care.

Warning! You might find this boring

2009-10-23T18:17:00.003+02:00

Now, it looks like a happy ending little story when I say that studying for the exam went fine and I think I did the exam fine as well. Yeah, it would look just perfect if I would only write this happy report but I have to add that I have a problem whenever I have an exam. It's not a big problem and as some might say it's not even considered as a problem but when you don't live your daily life like before, feel stressed out big part of the time that you're awake and feel not relaxed when you're asleep and see only dark sides of matters just before taking the exam and five minutes after you've done with the test you feel normal again, well you might think that you should think. I know where the roots are coming from, I can write stories of my years of studying for entering university and also how I graduated which I'm sure if I do that then you will say:"Yeah, now you have a problem". I'm not going to do that but I'm looking at the reasons so that I may be able to find a way to feel less stressed out when I'm having an exam. But how, I don't know and I'm secretly glad that I have to to deal with it.

Are Better Brains Better?

2009-10-17T17:02:00.002+02:00

What you think?

Read my name

2009-10-11T20:34:00.009+02:00

...With all I've got I've taken part, I've made a
Difference to the world, I have been here, just read
My name...

...

2009-10-09T12:36:00.011+02:00

I have a very important exam next week and should study really hard this coming week. Mr.B is not with me these days and his absence has started since yesterday. This is not the first time that he's away but I feel so fragile and lonely from the moment he left...I can actually start to cry any time and any where about any thing that I hear, read or see that involves a little bit emotion.
I was so in rush yesterday that I did not notice I closed the door while his key was in the lock and the moment that I tried to lock the door I realized that. I had to leave and the time that I would be back home was around 10 p.m. I left any way but it went fine at the end and I wasn't homeless last night.
One of my friends' homepage in Facebook suddenly disappeared, she was very active during the election and I got this very bad feeling what if something bad has happened to her. I sent her an email, she replied she was fine but numbers of her friends got arrested and were asked to open their FB pages and give information about their FB's friends and how they know each other...Thank God she was fine, she might get arrested, she was thinking about her friends' safety, I cried.
Next week I'll be happier I think. Next week I'll have a very dear friend coming over for 2 days from England. Last time that we met was the time that we were about to leave Iran to Libya and she was on her short visit to Iran and last time that we had one of our long talks was almost 9 years ago. Next week Mr.B will come back.

Puzzle!

2009-10-04T13:15:00.004+02:00

68 cm by 48.5 cm- 1000 pieces of one winter landscape; a souvenir from our 2 hours tour to Rijksmuseum to ourselves and when they will be made to one piece (?) I'll tell you as soon as we finish ;-).

Personal Interpretation

2009-10-03T11:28:00.005+02:00

It is said that: "A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them- they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship"*.
True! Which makes them hopeless always and again...

*Rainer Maria Rilke

Does falling in love make us more creative?

2009-10-02T10:12:00.002+02:00

...The clever experiments demonstrated that love makes us think differently in that it triggers global processing, which in turn promotes creative thinking and interferes with analytic thinking. Thinking about sex, however, has the opposite effect: it triggers local processing, which in turn promotes analytic thinking and interferes with creativity. Read more

No room for a new dictator

2009-09-29T10:52:00.010+02:00

مردمی که می‌خواهند سرپای خود بايستند و حياتی کريمانه را تجربه کنند جا دارد که از نخستين قدم‌هايی که به ناکامی‌‌شان می‌انجامد با بيشترين دقت‌ها پيشگيری کنند. تولد اينجانب نه هفتم مهر که روز آشنايی با شماست. حتی اگر روز هفتم مهر به دنيا آمده بودم نيز جا نداشت حرکت شما به کيش شخصيت آلوده شود

...The people who are willing to live based on their own thoughts and with dignity shall be cautious on steps they take which may prevent them to be able to do so. My bithday is not Mehr 7th but it is on the day of knowing you all and if it were on Mehr 7th, still it would be no room for your movement to get impure with an individual...

From Mousavi's latest statement ( 28-Sep-09).

Green night

2009-09-27T12:45:00.004+02:00

We sang all green songs with our green signs last night. We did not know each other but we did know with which color our language speaks these days and we spoke, proudly.

Life of a mind

2009-09-23T20:08:00.006+02:00

My train trips these days are devoted to reading a book titled "In search of memory" by Eric Kandel. It's the story of a refugee kid of Nazis-era, a husband, a father, a man and a Nobel prize winner.
And my sharing for today from this book:
...But the argument with Denise about spending more time with her and Paul did cause me to pause and think. As a consequence I learned from this argument the obvious lesson that hard thinking, especially if it leads to even one useful idea, is much more valuable than simply running more experiments. I was later reminded of a comment made about Jim Watson by Marx Perutz, the Viennese-born British structural biologist: "Jim never made the mistake of confusing hard work with hard thinking".

Vision

2009-09-22T20:58:00.005+02:00

I do an experiment on people with different visions; good, not bad and worse sights. It takes like an hour for each. The way that they handle the entire experiments- which for them gets boring and also tiring after a while- tells me how different their tolerances are for this specific experiment but doesn't tell me much about what kinds of people they are. I only have to judge their eyes not their characters and that could be a good practice, I hope.

How we read each other's minds

2009-09-20T17:02:00.009+02:00

2009-09-17T22:52:00.002+02:00

Tell me tomorrow is ours...

I wish you

2009-09-15T10:33:00.003+02:00

First of all, I wish you love, and that by loving you may also be loved. But if it’s not like that, be brief in forgetting And after you’ve forgotten, don’t keep anything. I wish that wouldn’t happen, but if it does and you forget, you could be a person without desperation.
I also wish you may have a lot of friends, And even if they are bad and inconsequent, They should be brave and true And, at least one of them, should be completely reliable.
But because life is the way it is, I also wish you may have enemies. Not many or too little, just in the right number So that you will have to question your own certainties and truths as well. And may there be among them at least one who is just and fair, So that you can never feel too secure in your ideas.
I wish you may be useful but not irreplaceable And in your bad moments, When you have nothing else, That sense of usefulness will keep you on your feet.
So equally, I wish you to be tolerant, Not with those that make little mistakes, because that is easy, but with those that make a lot of mistakes and can’t help it. And make good use of this tolerance to set an example to others.
I wish that, being young, you don’t mature too quickly And once you’re mature, don’t insist in getting younger. And when you’re old, don’t feel despaired Because each age has its pains and pleasures And we need them both in our lives.
By the way, I wish you to be sad at least one day So on that day you may discover That to laugh everyday is good, To laugh often is boring And to laugh constantly is an illness.
I wish that you may discover With maximum urgency That, above and in spite of everything, There are people around you who are depressed, Unhappy and unjustly treated.
I wish you to caress a dog, To feed a bird and to listen to its chirp as well As it sings triumphantly early in the morning. Because this way you will feel good for no reason.
And then I wish you may sow a seed Even if it is really small. And may you accompany it in its growth. So that you will discover how many lives a tree is made of.
I wish as well that you may have money, because we need to be practical. And that, at least once a year, You put some of this money in front of you and say “This is mine”. So it is very clear who owns who.
Also, I wish none of your loved ones may die, But if some of them do, I wish you may cry without regret and without feeling guilty for the things you never said or the things you never did.
Finally, I wish for you that being a man, you may have a good woman and being a woman, you may have a good man. Tomorrow and the day after.
If all these things would happen to you, Then I wish for you nothing more.

-Victor Hugo

...

2009-09-11T19:37:00.004+02:00

From Mousavi's latest statement:

People of Iran
...It is obvious that your efforts to restore peace to the society are not going to be responded wisely. Dangerous days are ahead...

Note

2009-09-08T23:19:00.007+02:00

I arrived at the office that I work, someone had put a paper on my desk; a report that said: "The university can no longer be the host to Dr... as he's cooperating with a TV channel that has called the Iranian students who protested against the recent Iranian election's result "riots". I got stuck in an elevator for more than 2 hours, I was the only person and as they think the first one ever. They asked for my room number after getting me out of that lift and they came back after a couple of days to see if I was doing fine and to explain what went wrong. I wasn't there, they'll come back. A scholar who's always polite and the warmest person in our faculty; the first gay man that I've met. And Life is good.

I don't want to tell...

2009-09-05T15:37:00.008+02:00

We chose to get out of Iran but I don't remember where exactly was our destination. We never set a destination and I did not want to be one of those who feels nostalgic all the time. I did not ignore all the bad memories and did not keep only the good ones but something happened; the bitter memories seemed sweet when they got old and far. It was like making different stories out of one thing to maybe feel happy. I see people feeling homesick and they write about having a big heart that always beats for that soil. I don't want to live where I don't live and I don't want to feel nostalgic when "I" chose to leave and I don't want to forget the reasons that made us leave there. I don't like to tell people that we had a great civilization back 2500 years ago and we were doing just fine till the Arabs attacked us and I don't like to say what you see in the media is not the true face of the Iranian people and we dance too, and inside thinking and saying but we're warmer and more polite but we do with our kindness as we do with our money; spending it when there is a real reason and a worthy person and what is kindness, we define all its properties. I don't like to tell people we're not religious God forbidden and we hate people being prejudice against other races but feel offensive when people think we speak Arabic.
----------
Some Iranians blame all the problems in Iran to such and such causes as sarcastically mentioned above, I obviously don't think like that.

Back from Iran

2009-08-30T14:20:00.004+02:00

Back to Holland and our one- year- old life in this country and still thinking of home. I need to wrap up my thoughts and get back to the routine and start being a focused person.
What people went through during the post-election days was mostly the first topic to talk about when I was with my family and relatives. There was no sign of election events on people's faces when I was on the streets and it was even less obvious when we were in the two historic cities of Esfahan and Kashan during our traveling.
I was wondering how many of these people are keeping old or having new concerns about what they were witnessing. You cannot expect those who do not feel generally secure be great fighters, you cannot ask the ones who feel tired to run and don't stop. I was wondering how many of people whom I could see in Kashan had access to anti-filtering software for their internet or if they had any access to the internet. I did not know what percentage of them had satellite dishes. I don' know how many could get informed or cared to be informed but as I talked with those who've been in the heart of their own street stories, they thought this was only the beginning. For them, it seems the election can be fresh starting point for an official religious dictatorship and the people of Iran are waiting for the time to move again. I do not know who will be the winner or if they'll move.

First chapter

2009-08-07T18:09:00.008+03:00

In the history books of the 21st century, the first chapter will be about us.
In the introduction, they might write that important events have happened before us, events like 9/11 and war on Iraq and Afghanistan, but those were the remnants of the previous century, with an outdated dialogue and with twentieth century tools: Airplanes, bombs and bullets. And then they will write that the first chapter is dedicated to us because we have been the true children of our time and our dialogue was the dialogue of the beginning of the third millennium.Early in the book, they will write that social movements are born out of communication technologies and at the same place they will write that we were the first movement that exploited entirely all the new communication tools that were established at the beginning of this century.Perhaps they will write a footnote on how these tools changed the social structure and how they changed the world view on the social classes, work flow, production and distribution of wealth, social leadership and management and even changed the world's attitude about the sustainable human values.Perhaps on the same page, there is a photograph of the inventor of the first mobile phone and the portraits of the founders of Wikipedia, Facebook, Blogger, YouTube, Podcasts, or maybe photos of their statues in the main squares of the world's leading cities, with captions like: "Figures who built the twenty first century."Idem they will write that previously there were only one-way paths: Somebody wrote and published the newspapers and the rest of the people read them. Somebody spoke while the rest were listening. One person was on TV and the rest were watching. Somebody commanded and led and then shapeless masses followed. They will write that the community structure and distribution of wealth, power and information was pyramidal, and then they will highlight that the new communication technologies flattened the society. It empowered the bases of the pyramid such that they reached the top.It made it possible to communicate with each other, send and receive news, exchange information, tell and listen, watch and be seen, and find new means of cooperation, thinking, criticizing and progress.There, on top of that page they will put a picture of us with our green flags.They will write that we were the first social movement that all of us were its leader and all of us were its organizer. The name which was called the most was only the speaker of a part of our demands.Perhaps they will open a box there to put MirHossein's written statement as an example, where he said: because the people participate in the Friday prayer, he will accept their invitation and join them. They must also add the explanation that previously the leader of a movement used to announce his presence and invited people to join him.They may make a subsection to describe how a movement without a command center was acting so well-orchestrated. How its ideas, desires, and slogans were suggested, criticized, and completed so well, and then one day they were expressed in such a harmony as if all these millions, have practiced together for years. Perhaps there, at least in the electronic version of this history book, they will make a link to a clip of us, where the Speaker shouts from the loud-speaker: "death to the U.S.” and we all respond "death to Russia". Without anybody been preparing for this response, without being coordinated, we shout as if we are all one mouth and one voice.They will write that we were the first party that had no central council, no secretary general, and no political branches. They will write that our party was one of complete anarchy that behaved quite systematic. They may presumably point their sarcasm toward anarchist parties of decades before us that were built systematically to behave as anarchists. They will write that our party had no party organs, but all its strategies were clear and its programs were all set correctly. Our demands were also summarized, reviewed, completed, and expressed in the clearest form of expression.In the same chapter they will write that we lived the last days of guns and bullets and we showed that wherever the awareness, information and enough communication channels for human connection exists, the bullet is pointless. There may put a picture of a single bullet somewhere in our Freedom Museum and will write for its caption "the last bullet that was pulled out of the magazine"A delicate person will calculate the total weight of the electrons that construct our blogs and websites, and will show that it was not even a thousandth of a bullet weight. He may estimate the weight of all the air molecules in our chants, our "death to dictators", our "all political prisoners must be released" and show that they altogether weigh less than the weight of a single wall of the Evin prison.Next they will write that we suggested a new definition for the human society, the human relations, for globalization and for living in the global village. Each of these historians will give us a name. Their simplest may write the “Green Revolution”, another will call us the “Silence Revolution”, somebody will call it the “Smile Revolution”, and at last there will be someone to write the “Awareness Revolution''.

Source and translation from BOLTS, here is the link.

From Iran

2009-08-03T00:37:00.005+03:00

Here is Iran, where I am one year late to meet unfamiliar wrinkles. I vividly remember they were not there last time. My parents are growing old, it takes one year of denial...one year of no picture of those new lines and here I am with a memory of a new picture; the new lines.

Here is Iran, where my eyes search for signs, any sign that could tell me things are going to be all right in here.

Here is Iran where I look for its news from the outside when I'm in, where I must and need to be...

2009-07-26T16:00:00.001+03:00

I'm going home.

This is state media in Iran

2009-07-18T16:03:00.003+03:00

By Mana Neyestani

2009-07-18T01:57:00.003+03:00

Iran had a democracy before we took it away... Read here

What happens next?

2009-07-16T20:25:00.002+03:00

Do not be afraid, we are all together...
Source

List to live

2009-07-16T11:43:00.004+03:00

Think longer, quicker and twice before you talk,
You don't have to satisfy every body,
Look at what you've achieved when you've started or are getting started to question what you did and please! Don't expect people to do so when they're looking at you,
Take yourself and life less seriously,
Ask questions that start with "why" less than now,
Ask questions that start with "why" more than now,
You don't have to satisfy every body,
Satisfy those whom you should and you can recognize them, do it in its own time/quicker,
Be organized,
Have fun!

Good stories for good kids

2009-07-09T19:51:00.003+03:00

Only by looking at one of the photos of the books titled "Good stories for good kids" I could feel one summer day that I had lay down on the carpet of our guest room at my parents' place reading one of the books.
I was happy that I had a book with pink cover beside the very colorful covers of the collection. I liked that they came with different colors, maybe one of the reasons was the colors could a little bit compensate for black and white pages of the books then.
Today, I could see a little girl who believed that kids and stories both were good, remembered that little girl once again, she's all grown up now...deep inside she secretly wishes to be a good little kid.

The author passed away today.

2009-07-05T16:20:00.002+03:00

It breaks my heart every time that I watch it...

"The real" and fantasy

2009-07-05T12:16:00.005+03:00

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

Cultural cache of Neuroscience

I must go home to Iran again

2009-07-03T19:14:00.002+03:00

Once you leave your homeland, you can live anywhere. But I refuse to only die in Iran. I will one day live in Iran...or else my life will have had no meaning... More

The Dutch go green

2009-07-02T21:28:00.003+03:00